Mrs. McVeigh's Manners
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Adult Only Wedding

 Dear Mrs. McVeigh,

I recently got married and addressed the invitations to adults only.  My husband and I wanted an adult reception, and tried to spread the word among family and friends that children should not attend.  To assure this, I hired a babysitter to play with the children in a room next door to the wedding and reception. I figured if someone was unable to leave their children at home at the last minute, or misunderstood our intentions, or were being stubborn, we were able to remedy the situation.


To my surprise I saw a guest start to walk through the door with his child.  I nicely stopped him and told him that we had childcare available, and he told me his daughter had never been to a wedding and he wanted her to experience one.  I feel like my wedding is my wedding, not a spectator show.  Am I being unreasonable in saying no children?



Dear Anonymous,

It is your big day, and you have every right to invite and include anyone who you choose.  When receiving an invitation, people need to notice exactly whom the invitation is addressed to.  If the invitation is just addressed to one person, and not to a significant other or the whole family, then the recipient does not have the right to invite other people.  If the recipient(s) of the invitation did not notice that their children were not invited, they should get the hint if the bride (or anyone in the wedding) stops them at the door and tells them about childcare in the next room. 

Rude Wedding Audience

 Dear Mrs. McVeigh,

I recently attended a friend’s wedding, and it was held in a hotel room.  The ceremony lasted about 45 minutes, and to my surprise, people kept talking among themselves, as well as getting up to get water and then taking it back to their seats. Do you think this was thought as acceptable because of the venue? The other factor is our friends are Indian, and it was a traditional Indian wedding, and was not in English.  Is there something in their culture that this is typical for an Indian-American wedding?



Dear Anonymous,

I checked a reliable source about American-Indian weddings, and this is not typical at all – even if held in a hotel room.  If a wedding or any kind of public ceremony is held in a church, hotel room, or even outdoors, coming and going during the ceremony is not acceptable.  Talking during a public ceremony is not polite either.  It would be understandable if the ceremony had gone on for several hours, and people had to get up to use the restroom.  If someone needed to get some water, it would be more polite to drink it before they get back to their seat.  When attending a wedding or any kind of public ceremony, audience members should be respectful of what is going on during the ceremony by keeping in their seats if possible, and staying silent.


Asked Out and Not Interested – What to Do

  A friend of mine told me she ran out the door the other day and forgot to put her wedding ring on.  A man that she encountered during her workday started hitting on her, and she was at a loss of what to do. If you are male or female, available to date or not, you are probably going to encounter someone making advances on you when you are not interested.  If you do not want to hurt his feelings and/or sound rude, what do you say?

Try to let him or her know you are not interested before he even has a chance to ask you out. If you are at a party, it is easy to excuse yourself to “find your date,” “find your friends,” or “get another drink.”  That should give you an out to move on from the person, and then steer clear of him or her for the rest of the evening. 

If you are in a business setting, try to move the conversation to work related issues.  If he or she makes it social again, feel free to give responses that include you and your significant other, and how happy you are about the relationship.  You can say, “My husband (or boyfriend) and I are going to the movies later.  He is great because he lets me pick the movie every time.” If you are single and not interested then work into the conversation how happy you are not to be dating anyone.  

If none of this works, and he or she asks you out anyway, there are some responses that will let him down in a way that is not too uncomfortable for both of you.  “Sounds fun, but my husband and I are really busy the next few weeks.”  If you are single you can say, “You are so nice to ask, but I am on social overload right now.  If that changes I will let you know.”  Give these responses with a smile, and try to quickly change the subject or walk away if possible.  This should stop it from going any further, and hopefully will not make it too awkward for either one of you.



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